How to fart inside a PUJ without creating a scandal

This story was narrated to me.



Michael had the urge to fart while inside a PUJ. But, horrors! He didn't like to create a loud and smelly scandal. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the music hoping to calm down his stomach.

Anong balita / sa radyo at TV/ Ganon pa rin/ kumakapa sa dilim/Minsa'y naisip ko nang umalis na lang dito...

It was Monday. Yesterday, Michael's boardmates returned from their hometowns with the usual homegrown foodstuff. So, this morning Michael pigged out on nilaga na kamote at saging, scrambled native egg at kape. He ate ravenously especially because, this morning, the food was free. No wonder, now his stomach was revolting.

Bato-bato sa langit/ tamaa'y huwag magalit./ Alam naman natin / kung sino ang toso......

Sa bawat lumuluhang dukha/Alay ko'y dugo./ May kasama ka kapatid, kaibigan./ Hangang ako'y humihinga/ may pag-asa pa...

After a few seconds, Michael could not hold back anymore. He must pass wind now. So he closed his eyes and let go, hoping that nobody would notice.

Hallehuhulu.. Hallelujahhhh...

And, possibly it was his lucky day. He heard nothing. The wind passed in sync with the drums and shouts of the rock music. Now he knew he could do it again. He just have to time it with the music. And so, when a storm signal percolated in his stomach, he let the raging wind pass in time with the loudest audio in the music. Sinong galit/ sumigaw / kagabi .. And as he heard nothing, he surmised that his fellow passengers heard nothing also. Hallehuhulu.. Hallelujahhh.. Then he farted again. And again. And again. And he heard nothing. Everything was timed with the crash of the instruments. Hallehe... he... he.. Then he gingerely opened his lids. He sensed that he was nearing his destination. He blurted, 'Lugar lang'. But the driver seemed not to hear him. Hallelujah... So he opened his eyes and shouted 'Sa lugar lang! Putsa.'. Then he noticed everybody was looking at him. Oh well, astig ako, he thought. He just shouted at the driver, right? .. see the faces in front of me... But before he disembarked, he thought he should give the driver a lesson. So he farted again to the tune of Let's go. Hallelujah... As he prepared to get down, he noticed that everyone was looking at him with naughty expressions on their faces. A passenger spoke to him. But he could not hear. He heard only the rock music. Save me from the fahyahr.. from the fahyahr... Then he realized that earphones were stuck to his ears. The music was from his ipod! He got his earphones and the music stopped. In a clear baritone heard by everybody, a passenger told him, 'Pare, rock band ang almusal mo? Grabe ka umutot. Parang rock concert!'. And the PUJ rocked as everybody, including the driver, nearly died laughing. Michael too wanted to die at that moment.

Moral lesson: Fart inside the PUJ if you like. But time it with the music. And be sure that the music is not from your ipod.