The next generation of astigs

Call it the improvement of your angkan. If you can't make it during your time, be sure your children carry on the baton for you. And succeed where you miserably failed.

This is the story of many of our classmates. Grabe gid handom nanda mag-valedictorian. O mag-honorablemention man lang. Pero daw di gid kaya. Kahit ano pang klase ang gagawing pagsusunog ng kilay.


The past hohor roll only had names like Aurora, Henry, Roselle, Bambi, Helen, and Marilen. It had no names like Edward, Lydia, Ephraim, Magdaleno, nor Gemma.

Ti, ano bala natabo kay Edward M, he with the short semi-atrophied tongue, bcoz kahit name niya di kaya i-pronounce. Kaya tawag sa iya Edwald. Anyway, handom gid niya mag-honor student pero pang section 2 lang gid ang IQ. So after marrying, he schemed night and day to father a would-be valedictorian. Ambot ano ginhimo niya. Siguro ginputos sa encyclopedia or pages of Advance Algebra ang inunlan sang baby niya. O siguro he read the whole of Canterbury Tales and the Legend of Lam-ang, inspite of his atrophied tongue, in front of his infanticipating wife. And presto! His son became the valedictorian of his CNCHS class. Kitam? Di man nakaya ng Tatay, kinaya naman ng anak.

Remember Lydia M, the one with the frizzy hair, dark skin, and motor mouth? She too had hidden valedictory desires. Pero bisan section 1 siya, the IQ had never risen from the level of the average section 1. Kaya kahit anong memorize niya ng Periodic Table, Pythagorean Theorem, and Oh Captain, My Captain, hangang imagination lang talaga ang pagiging valedictorian niya. O delusion. Kahit honorablemention, di niya nasungkit. So just like Edwald, she schemed night and day to conceive a valedictorian. Secret daw niya. Methinks she listened to Beethoven, Mozart and Bach the nine months she was pregnant even if her neighbors thought the sonatas were funeral hymns heard only in the funeral parlors of Crisme, Puga, and Baylon. Pero success naman. Her son was the valedictorian of his CNCHS class. Lydia is now prim and proper, minus the frizzy hair and motor mouth. Daw Nanay gid kang valedictorian.

Si Paray, aka Efraim P, may pabugal man. Salutatorian ang bata niya sa Regular Class. Hiposun lang si Paray sang hayskol. Pero grabe bunal. He married young sa isa ka beauty sa lower year. Possibly, they too attended seminars and yoga sessions on how to make an intellectual from their so-so genes.Probably, they consulted astrologers on how to time their libido with the ripening of their priciest seeds. Or read Shakespeare, or Edgar Allan Poe, or the Atlas before they switched off the lights or before they consumated their desires, whichever came first.

Not to be outdone, Magdaleno I, aka Magdo, also produced bright kids, one of them a Salutatorian. To note, his elder kids are all studying in UP. First time I saw his daughter in an inter-school IQ competition, I could not believe that Magdo was her father. Up to now I still referred to her as Magdo's adopted daughter. Bcoz, during our time, I could not imagine Magdo representing CNCHS in any interschool IQ challenge. Bisan sa contest nga patayog-tayog ihi daw indi gid siya ka-qualify. Pero, back to my opening thesis. I commend Magdo for reading the dictionary cover-to-cover in front of his pregnant wife, and for doing all the rituals sa libro kang mga mal-am to produce honor students because he could not become one during his time.

This observation was only based on the students of Cabatuan National Comprehensive High School. There was no formal study yet, nga pang-thesis sa graduate school, on the children of other classmates who are studying in other schools. It is possible that there are other surprises that await us. I heard that the children of a high school classmate from Barangay Bacan were honor students in the Laboratory School of the West Visayas State University.

BTW, remember Gemma B, the one who was so silent in section 1, she could be mistaken as a mannequin or a cloth thrown over a desk - waay gid abi ga-hambal bisan maglabay pa balabaw sa atubang niya indi gid mag-ek! Poise man gihapon nga gapungko nga daw mannequin. But her son was also a valedictorian in Puyas Barangay High School, was a DOST scholar in college, and he aced the Electrical Engineering board exam on his first try. Gemma could have followed her own ritual to produce such an intellectual. A talk with her mother revealed that since day 1, Gemma hammered on the psyche of her son that she is a close relative of her class valedictorian.

But without rituals, you still can be a father/mother of an intellectual. You got a personality bursting with x-rated hormones, that you can arouse the primal desires of even the most anti-social geeks in school? If you have such a personality, then marry yourself into a family of board topnotchers, summa cum laudes, or academecians wearing horn-rimmed glasses with half-inch thick lenses. It will be hard to adjust in the beginning. But you can always try reading Time and The Economist when your partner or family is around. And switch to jologs komiks and vernacular tabloids na kaya mong intindihin when alone in the toilet.

So, sa mga frustrated valedictorian diyan, if you didn't make it during your time, don't lose hope. Your kids just might clench it, kon ginhimo mo ang ginhimo ni Edwald, et al. If not, your grandkids just might. Or your great grandkids. Mga astig gid. But, frankly, if you happen to be laon, baog, or madre, I rest my case.@