Colay C, a certified widow

As a woman, Colay has come full circle – from an expectant wife, to an ecstatic mother, to a doting owaw, and now a grieving widow. She tackles her latest role like an Aquino - serene and dignified in grief like Cory, and radiant and photogenic in black like Kris. And as Colay essays this part with sweet memories of Boy V, her late husband, others look at her with envy because si Colay balo na kag sanda laon man gihapon. (OK lang kon bingkong. Pero laon as in wala gid. Baw, waay gid tanda ka-intindi kon ano sayuron ang sulat ni Shakespeare, ‘It’s beter to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ Insa ginpapasar tanda ni Maroma sa Literature?) What more can a woman ask (other than to have another crack at becoming a wife, this time to a foreigner, para iba naman)?

Boy V died of a lingering illness. The funeral started with a mass at 2:00pm August 8, 2009 at the Cabatuan Parish Church. Interment followed at the Cabatuan Roman Catholic Cemetery.

During the funeral, the widow and the rest, were teary-eyed but composed, sad but solemn. These could be the hallmarks of schooled (i.e. stoic) and religious (the dead goes back to his God) mourners. The wailing and the buckets of tears were reserved for the old folks of the barrios.

Indeed, gone were the days when observers would know the kin of the dead by the loudness of their wails and the severity of their cries. Long ago, it was a must that a wife should shout ‘Ilubong man nyo ako! Indi ako mabuhi kon waay ang bana ko!’ during the burial of her husband. A husband should shout ‘Ay abaw, indi na gid ako mag-asawa! Wah wah wah!’ during the burial of his wife, never mind if he was already seeing another woman from another barrio while his wife was still bedridden. And the other family members should resonate with a chorus of ‘Waaaahhhh!’ and ‘Hu huh huh huh!’, or should fall – hinimatay - like dominoes, all these timed when the coffin was being lowered unto the grave. Silence and no tears during funerals of the past meant that the dead was unloved or had left no wealth for the departed to fight over. Had anyone tried to push a wailing wife to the grave? Of course yes. And the wife, standing atop the coffin inside the grave, tersely cursed the pusher, as he could have harmed or hurt the now very angry, and not a very sad wife.





I remembered my aunt wailing as if paid handsomely to do it, when she saw me at the wake of her only daughter. ‘Baw waay na si Manang moooooooooh!’, she bawled as she embraced me. ‘Baw sin-o na lang ka diya ang iba kooooooooooo! Baw ginsilutan gid akoooo!’ I was so carried by the crying that I was about to cry myself. But she suddenly stopped. No she didn’t go into a stupor. She just whispered to my ear, ‘To, basi mag-brown out. I-prepara ang mga kandila.' Then, as suddenly as she stopped, she again went into wild wailing and thrashing for everyone to hear and see.

But today’s composed demeanor in the current Filipina mourning is comforting and remarkable. Widows are in command and very sensible, anyone in black can easily go straight to Michael Jackson’s wake, and announce to all and sundry that she is the lost mother of Michael’s third child, without raising a hint of suspicion. Nevermind if that child has a pointy nose. Anyone can always blame a botched nose job. Uso naman ang kaso against Vicky Belo, right?

Colay was consoled by her classmates.....

The classmates looked somber and condoling as the occassion was a funeral....


But the classmates actually looked more joyous than this as they stifled their laughs when reminded that they were on camera, and they should look grieving, not celebratory as if they had just won in the lotto.

Colay was consoled by her many classmates, as Colay was always present in the wakes attended by the class. It was even joked around that the social life of the ageing members of the class was going to wakes.

Wakes are for mourners. But who says you can’t have fun during wakes? Jokes are the best antidote for getting drowsy. And what were some of the jokes?


The classmates supplied strong shoulders to lean on, and empty stomachs to gorge on the pre-packed snacks for the mourners. They were too happy to have more than one pack for snacks, and more to bring home for their dinners and the next day's breakfast.

In all the activities of the class, Colay had never worn a dress twice. It was joked that she would rather miss a meal than being caught wearing the same dress twice. She was always late but nevertheless radiant on arriving, feeling as if the rains would stop because her outfit was never seen before. At least, by this observer. I pray thee, would there be a sin more mortal than being seen in the same outfit more than once? Or perhaps, Colay knew the guilt and shame Eve felt when, after having been banished from paradise, Eve grabbed for the nearest leaves to cover her naked self; and in the case of Colay, to cover her already-seen-before outfit.

Everyone too was aware of the boring outfit of the dead – in the case of the female, all lacy gowns covering the dead body from toe up to the neck. Could the outfit be more current and jazzy? With voluptuous ladies like Colay, could more skin be shown, with the cleavage and a plunging neckline? ‘Ay abaw, kon nagabatang ikaw, flat ang boobs mo. Waay it cleavage’, interjected Bebot D. But if the funeral parlors can do a respectable nose job, can it be harder to insert kilos of crumpled The Inquirer and Philippine Star to make gravity-defying mounds out of the sunken boobs? For sure, this procedure would ensure no leaks unlike the boob job done in Gloria Arroyo. And while the usual courtesies during wakes are comments like ‘Ay, daw katulog lang’, could it be too much if somebody comments ‘Ay, daw ga-sunbathing lang’ as one looks down on a voluptuous figure lying in state with tanned shoulders, legs and all inside a coffin cushioned with powder-soft Boracay sand?

Ah, grabe. I am awake already. The jokes could be more pervasive. The wakes could be more fun. But who likes to have wakes? @